Wednesday, April 6, 2016

The Elephant in the Room -- flash fiction




Her daughter sat in her normal place at the table. So beautiful. So young.

The girl reached for the rolls and offered them to the young man seated next to her.

Loxodonta, the African Elephant, is one of two extant genera of the family, Elephantidae. Elephas, the Asian, is the other. At an overall length of 18–21 feet, even the smaller Asian elephant would not fit in the room.

"What about school?" she asked pouring them each a glass of lemonade.

"Oh, Mom. They have colleges in Virginia."

The African bush elephant is even bigger, females stand an average of seven to nine feet tall. An ear six feet long by four feet wide cast a shadow twice that large over her dining table.

She knew exactly how far it was from Ft. Wayne to Norfolk, Virginia -- 728.8 miles. She could drive it if she had to, but it would take too long to get there if there were an emergency. And Paul couldn't take off work just any time. He would, though. If it were an emergency.

"Yes, Carrie. I know. But will you go?" She looked at Paul. Dear, steady Paul.

Michael reached for the meat loaf. "That'll give her something to do while I'm deployed. That and the baby."

The elephant's upper lip and nose form a trunk which acts as a fifth limb and a sound amplifier.

"Yes, the baby . . . ." she repeated leaving the table to get something. Paul followed her. What was it she was in the kitchen to get? Napkins? No. A serving spoon.

The African elephant's trunk ends in two opposing lips, whereas the Asian elephant trunk ends in a single lip. The trunk is an important method of touch.

Paul took the spoon from her. "It'll be all right," he said. "She'll be fine." He kissed her on the forehead. "You'll be fine."

The elephant's cortex has as many neurons as that of a human brain.


(The day after this was first posted, a properly edited, rewritten version was posted to show how important editing and rewriting are. If you would like to read that version click on Fix-It.)



3 comments:

  1. I love flash fiction--I love writing it and I love reading it. I really enjoyed this piece. You interspersed the elephant facts perfectly (and hey, I learned a lot more about elephants than I knew). You also did a great job presenting the dialogue--it's realistic and not bogged down by "said" tags all over the place. You created tension and showed the dynamic of multiple relationships in a short space. Great job!

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    1. Thank you. You must be a mother. You got it. My husband did not. So for A to Z's F-day, I did a fix-it. With the assistance of my most excellent editor. If you have a chance, maybe you can read the rewrite and see what you think.

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